Kylie's 11th Birthday Party

1st Inning.
Well, my wife, Gina, and I emerged from our daughter's birthday party sleepover victorious.  The night started off very good with a visit to the skating rink with our daughter, Kylie, and a group of her friends.  I noticed the potential for a junior roller derby team and had them running drills against a group of toddlers there for a birthday party.  After the toddlers began crying over too many forearm shivers to the face (really, they are baby teeth!) we snuck out the backdoor and headed home for cupcakes, pizza, and punch.

2nd Inning.
Later in the evening I decided to show the girls how to breakdown and clean an M1 Carbine while giving them an historical lesson on the versatility of the weapon across several theaters of war.  By the time the last girl was able to disassemble/reassemble the rifle blindfolded, I gave them another lesson.  With gunstock war club in hand, we recreated the final scene from ‘Last of the Mohicans’ with my two-year old daughter, Lucy, playing the role of Magua and me playing the role of Chingachgook(Papa Mohican for those that have not seen the movie or read the book).

3rd Inning.
Then we moved into a little game I like to call ‘Be Still’ that involved each of the girls learning how to throw knives.  They really impressed me with their skill and we would have gone on longer had Lucy not flinched while standing on the wall.   That led to the next lesson, a survivalist lesson, on first aid and how to sew stitches.  Lucy was a trooper and allowed herself to be held down while biting on my wallet while I instructed one of Kylie’s friends on the stitching.  We were almost done when one of the girls fainted due to all the blood.

4th Inning.
With all the kids still alive I figured it was a good time to play with the dead so I dug out my old Ouija board and lit some candles as we gathered down in our family room.  Everyone had a good time as we communicated with a little girl called ‘Annabelle’.   Once I looked over my shoulder and saw that the creepy china doll from Lucy’s room was now in the family room, I felt the need to change things up so I started a game of ‘Truth or Dare’.

5th Inning.
One girl took ‘dare’ so we dared her to go up in the attic and open the creepy black trunk that is in the farthest corner of the attic that has been there since we bought the house…unopened and untouched.  Five hours later the girl came down but she was carrying the china doll (not sure if she took it up there with her or not) which she is now calling ‘Annabelle’ and said the doll wanted to sleep with the girls.  No worries because Gina is Catholic and so are my girls so we had crucifixes for everyone.

6th Inning.
As the girls retreated to Kylie’s room, they wanted to play the game ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board’ so Gina had the girls gather around the girl that went up into the attic and to our surprise, and while holding Annabelle, the girl floated! 

7th Inning.
The finale of the evening was turning out the lights as we put the girls to bed but not before we watched a few scenes of ‘Faces of Death’ on Youtube along with the entire movie, 'Teen Witch'. 

8th Inning.
The night’s festivities were not quite over for me though.  Sometime during the night I got up to go the bathroom and as I approached the toilet I flicked on our red heat lamp/light (so as not to disturb the queen bee) and in my sleepy haze I saw that Annabelle doll sitting on the back of my toilet. 

9th Inning.
I don’t know when I woke up but I know where I woke up and that was on the bathroom floor soaked in my own…well, you get the picture.  After changing clothes while crawling back to the bed I was able to muster enough strength to pull myself up and back into bed into the warm confines of Gina’s arms.